


The Hounds of Baskerville in Quicktime

by Sunnyrea



Series: Sherlock in Quicktime [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 20:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/323906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyrea/pseuds/Sunnyrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The second episode of season 2 cracked out in quicktime for all your laughter and enjoyment. Also check out <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/318286">A Scandal in Belgravia in Quicktime</a> to laugh even harder. Hope this brings you some cheer after the final episode tears!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hounds of Baskerville in Quicktime

**Kid!Henry:** FLEE FOR MY LIFE.

\---OMG THERE’S A FIGHT OR A BATTLE OR SOMETHING... I don’t know the camera is just going everywhere and I can’t see. Rude.---

 **Kid!Henry:** Still running!

\---More tussle---

 **Kid!Henry:** ruuuuuunnnnnning!

 **Lady:** Um.

 **Dog:** I’m a dog. Woof.

 **Kid!Henry:** MOTHER FUCKING AHHH!

\---whoaaaa time jump, naucious...---

 **Henry:** Why did my therapist think I should be traipsing around the moor at night alone? Because this feels like a slasher film waiting to happen.

\---And now, what you’ve all been waiting for, return of the credits----

 **Sherlock:** I LIKE TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE! With blood.

 **John:** Why would you even own a harpoon?

 **Sherlock:** Mermaids are a seroius issue.

 **Tumblr Fans:** I GET THAT.

 **John:** ...You’re getting blood on the carpet.

 **Sherlock:** Like it’s the first time.

 **John:** Not what your mom said.

 **Sherlock:** I’m pacing now. I pace. Pacing is cool.

 **John:** ...moffat.

 **Sherlock:** This harpoon is not entertaining enough!

 **John:** Sorry, no cases hiding in my newspaper.

 **Sherlock:** I NEED DRUGS! ...I mean cigarettes.

 **John:** Nope.

 **Sherlock:** But I need them!

 **John:** Nope.

 **Sherlock:** NEED.

 **John:** Nope.

 **Sherlock:** What if I make this really cute pouty face and say please?

 **John:** Is there sex to go with it?

 **Sherlock:** No.

 **John:** Can’t help you.

 **Sherlock:** I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART! *dramatic face plant*

 **John:** Prima donna first lady of the stage...

 **Sherlock:** SECRET SUPPLY!

 **Mrs. Hudson:** Brat

 **Sherlock:** Yeah, well the sandwich shop guy is totally married, so HA!

 **Mrs. Hudson:** FUCKING TWAT.

 **Sherlock & John:** *stare*

 **Mrs. Hudson:** LEAVING.

 **John:** ...Maybe you should apologize.

 **Sherlock:** Maybe you should shut up!

 **John:** No case on your website?

 **Sherlock:** Bluebell the glowing bunny.

 **John:** OH MY GOD, CAN WE GET ONE!?

 **Sherlock:** Nope, she’s missing.

 **John:** *sniff*

 **Sherlock:** WAIT! Clearly this will be the best case ever. TO ARMS, FIND THE MISSING BUNNY!

 **John:** ...so you found your _other_ drugs instead then?

 **Sherlock:** Or we could play Cluedo.

 **Fans:** Oh my god, they have board game nights?! Where are my smelling salts? I have the vapors!

\---Um, ding dong---

 **Sherlock & John:** _Thank God._

 **Henry:** I brought a video.

 **John:** Weren’t you on _Being Human_?

 **Video:** Dramatic Speech! Conspiracy Theories! Low Budget Filming! Name From Title of Episode! Taaaaa Daaaaa!

 **Sherlock:** Annnnnnnnnnnnd shut up tv.

 **Henry:** Um.... I’m kind of emotional.

 **John:** You were naked a lot on _Being Human_...

 **Sherlock:** Okay, so, your father’s violent death?

 **Henry:** You mean, you don’t want to hear my poetic description of the landscape?

 **Sherlock:** I’d rather harpoon you.

 **John:** You know, I can be poetic too!

 **Sherlock:** Your e-mails suck since they’re not to me. *huff*

 **Henry:** Yeah well, there’s devil symbolism!

 **John:** Ooooo! I like sympolism.

 **Sherlock:** I like skipping to the blood shed.

 **Henry:** He was killed by a giant black creature with red eyes.

 **Sherlock:** ...uh huh.

 **John:** Oh my god. No way. A giant dog?

 **Sherlock:** Genetic experiment?

 **Henry:** I was an emotional night for me! My dad DIED.

 **John:** Seriously. A giant dog. Russel Tovey played the WEREWOLF. Is no one else dying of laughter?

 **Sherlock:** I’m not really a pet person.

 **Henry:** Yeah, well, if you don’t like it then I’ll take my toys and go home! Meanie!

 **Sherlock:** Want to tell us about your scary event from last night?

 **Henry:** Oh my god, no way, how do you know?

 **John:** Yes, I love show off time! *cough* I mean... no... don’t...

 **Sherlock:** SHOW OFF TIME.

 **Henry:** Wait...

 **Sherlock:** Early train, Icky breakfast, cute girl or not so cute girl, need a cigarette – I feeeeel you bro.

 **Henry:** Wait...

 **Sherlock:** You mean ‘how did you know that Mr. Holmes, God of everything?’ WELL, Time you got here, food on your cuff and face, phone number on napkin you just stuck on your nose - ew - nicotine fingers. Now time for smoking!

 **John:** I think I just came.

 **Henry:** *blink blink*

 **John:** So, family history?

 **Henry:** I’ll just light and smoke this ciga-

 **Sherlock:** UP IN YOUR BUSINESS, YOU SMELL LIKE CHEMICAL JOY!

 **Henry:** ...So, uh, my therapist told me go to the hollow and I saw giant foot prints.

 **Sherlock:** PSH. Whatever.

 **Henry:** They were the foot prints of a gigantic HOUND.

 **Sherlock:** CASE ACCEPTED.

 **John:** Yes! Bro vacation!

 **Henry:** Wait, you guys aren’t gay?

 **Sherlock:** Nah. Staying here.

 **John:** You didn’t look under the skull for your cigarettes? Really? It’s like the most ‘Sherlock’ place to hide anything!

 **Sherlock:** Whatevs, I don’t need them anyhow, laterz.

 **John:** You cannot say laterz all the time now.

 **Henry:** Maybe I should have gone with Ms. Marple...

 **John:** TRAVEL TIME.

 **Mrs. Hudson:** I will cut off your balls, shop keep!

 **Sherlock:** That’s my surrogate mom! *pride*

\---Scenic shot of the moor! ooooo its mysterious and pretty at the same time---

 **Sherlock:** Is this in character for me to be the one driving?

 **Martin:** Fuck you, I won a BAFTA; who needs to know how to drive?

 **Sherlock:** I like to stand on rocks because I’m Batman.

 **John:** Does that make me Robin?

 **Sherlock:** Soooooo dramatic.

 **John:** Let me point out the ‘mine field,’ you know, just in case it’s important later which I’m sure it won’t be or anything.

 **Tour Kid:** I give tours because I’m young in a small town and haven’t moved to the city yet. Rawr.

 **Henry:** *SNIFFLE* Therapy is hard! Liberty In?

 **Therapist:** I sit here.

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** Sorry we couldn’t get you a big gay sex room.

 **John:** …This is me giving up.

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** Oh, I’m in the family all right.

 **John:** Found a clue about meat.

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** Oh, I bet you know how to find the meat!

 **John:** I’m going to ask you about Baskerville and try to be manly.

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** I’m into that!

 **Sherlock:** I’m just creeping around randomly looking tall.

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** By the way have you heard about our TOTALLY REAL big creepy hound on the moor? There was a TV show and everything. We are totally famous, should be on _The X-files_.

 **John:** Totally real?

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** Tour guy saw it!

 **Sherlock:** INTERROGATION TIME.

 **Short Gay Inn Keep:** Oh it is soooooooooooo hard to sleep with all the work we have to do with all these tourists.

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** And by sleep he means ‘have sex.’

 **Short Gay Inn Keep:** Do you have lots of hot gay sex with yours?

 **John:** Yep.

 **Fans:** WAIT, WHAT!?

 **John:** ...I mean – GOT ANY CRISPS!?

 **Sherlock:** Yo.

 **Tour Kid:** Yo.

 **Sherlock:** So, you totally haven’t seen this hound.

 **Tour Kid:** Have too!

 **Sherlock:** Proof?

 **Tour Kid:** I aint telling you creeper!

 **Sherlock:** Sorry, John, you have to be bottom tonight.

 **John:** ….um....

 **Tour Kid:** Another gay couple in town?

 **Sherlock:** I bet John you couldn’t prove the hound!

 **John:** Did you say ‘bottom tonight?’

 **Tour Kid:** Yeah, well, I totally saw it so you’re taking it.

 **Sherlock:** Pics or it didn’t happen.

 **Tour Kid:** BITCH SLAP, camera phone!

 **John:** This bet is not a gay sex bet! Not again!

 **Sherlock:** Your photo sucks.

 **Tour Kid:** Conspiracy theories!

 **Sherlock:** Right, Mulder.

 **Tour Kid:** My friend had conspiracy theories too!

 **Sherlock:** Who, Scully?

 **Tour Kid:** MOLD OF A FOOT PRINT, HA HA HA!

 **John:** Oh yeah, who’s on top tonight, baby!

 **Sherlock:** ...50 quid?

\---And we are scenic again!---

 **Sherlock:** Let’s break into Baskerville.

 **John:** ...um, or not?

 **Sherlock:** Today’s costume: ‘Mycroft Holmes,’ cake not included.

 **John:** Am I Anthea then?

 **Sherlock:** Count down, twenty minutes.

 **Baskerville:** We have soldiers and lots of governmentally scientificy stuff and things!!!!

 **Corporal Cuteness:** Hi, um, what?

 **Sherlock:** I think I get a ‘sir.’ *snap snap*

 **Corporal Cuteness:** Meep. But, uh, we’re supposed to be like Torchwood? Outside the governemnt, beyond the police, tracking down -

 **John:** Or not.

 **Corporal Cuteness:** Shut up, shortie, I like that show.

 **John:** Captain say what?

 **Corporal Cuteness:** Eek, hasty salute!

 **John:** And now I say tour time, hop to!

 **Corporal Cuteness:** Er...

 **John:** Heyo, pulling rank!

 **Corporal Cuteness:** *SCURRIES*

 **Sherlock:** John's a _captain_! There's uniforms! And dress uniforms! And he has a gun and fights and UNIFORMS! All. My. Fantasies.

 **John:** ...Shouldn't that name label say 'fans?'

 **Sherlock:** NOPE.

 **Door:** You’re going to swipe your card so many times all the other key cards are going to be calling it a slut for the rest of it’s life!

 **Security Check:** Do de do de do, taking my time.

 **Sherlock:** Oh look, secret lab.

 **John:** It’s really white in here...

 **Monkey:** Oh my god, SCREECH, no way it’s Benedict and Martin!

 **Dr. Franklin:** Hey hey, I’m all nice and jovial so I totally can’t be a mad scientist causing all of these hound sightings because I am continuing old experiments which had murderous consequences, no way, Ho ho ho.

 **John:** So, you like... do experiments and stuff here?

 **Corporal Cuteness:** I am going to answer all of your questions with vague adjectives and adverbs.

 **John:** Oh gurrl, I need details.

 **Corporal Cuteness:** Totally weapons.

 **John:** Awesome.

 **Stapleton:** Bitch please, what do you hos want?

 **Sherlock:** Oh no you did not, spill!

 **Stapleton:** I work with genes and not the kind which hug John’s arse.

 **Sherlock:** Too bad.

 **John:** Aw, thanks!

 **Sherlock:** So, why did you kill your daughter’s rabbit, you mean mom?

 **Stapleton:** ….

 **John:** Are you fucking kidding me?

 **Sherlock:** It was a very important GLOWING rabbit!

 **John:** The rabbit?

 **Sherlock:** And now we flee! …calmly.

 **Security Check:** Um. Bleep bleep.

\---Apparently only young, thin, attractive women work for Mycroft???---

 **Mycroft:** Why does Sherlock always steal my stuff?

 **Sherlock:** We are totally done with this inspection, nothing supicious, buh bye!

 **Mycroft!text:** I’m telling mom!

 **John:** Weren’t we supposed to actaully find out something about the hound while we were here?

 **Sherlock:** Dramatic walk through doors!

 **Major Beard:** WHAT THE FUCK?

 **Sherlock:** Whatever, your beard is totally not in style.

 **Corporal Cuteness:** OH MY GOD, ALARM!

 **Dr Franklin:** JK, I know these guys. They’re cool.

 **Sherlock:** ...totally.

 **Major Beard:** I would pout if I wasn’t a big tough military guy.

 **Dr. Franklin:** PS, I know you’re Sherlock. So, you’re helping the werewolf - I mean, Henry... I’m a fanboy!

 **Sherlock:** You’re like someone’s creepy uncle.

 **Dr. Franklin:** I can toooootally help you guys out so that I can keep up with what you’re doing and you don’t find out about my continuing illegal experiment! I mean... help Henry.

 **Sherlock:** Are you going to give me any relevant information or should i just keep passing you looks of disdain?

 **Dr. Franklin:** Have my CELL number *hint hint* and call me, seriously, call me, fan boy, call me.

 **Sherlock:** Check out my coat move!

 **John:** Show off.

 **Sherlock:** I’m batman.

 **John:** (How awesome is it that we pointed out Benedict’s cheekbones?)

 **Fans:** VERY.

\---There is so much scenery in this episode you’re going to vomit grass and clouds when it’s over---

 **John:** Glow in the dark rabbit?

 **Sherlock:** Genetic experiments.

 **John:** You’re getting me one for Christmas?

 **Sherlock:** Or a giant hound perhaps?

 **John:** Oh, right, case... *whispers* get me a bunny.

\---And look it’s a country home which could use a paint job---

 **Henry:** Hi.

 **Annie and Mitchel and Nina:** HI.

 **Sherlock:** WRONG SHOW.

 **John:** Um, are you rich?

 **Henry:** Did you just come out and ask me that? Isn’t that, like, rude or something?

 **John:** You’re too busy tripping on experimental fog drugs to be insulted.

 **Henry:** Cool.

 **Sherlock:** I like sugar in my tea because I’m a pretty princess. Wait until I tell you about my palace!

 **Henry:** Soooooo?

 **John:** We totally have a very serious and well thought out plan.

 **Sherlock:** You get to be bait!

 **John:** *face palm*

 **Henry:** Poirot, could’ve gone with Poirot...

\---Oh god, no more fucking green and dimly lit low lands, please!---

 **Boys:** Hiking is fun with flashlights!

 **John:** I found a clue! It is defintely someone flashing morse code and _not_ people have sex in cars.

 **Sherlock:** So, that creepy uncle doctor guy?

 **Henry:** I don’t think he was sleeping with my dad but you never know. Kind of like you and John.

 **Sherlock:** Wait, what? Tell me what you think! I’m insecure about our relatioship. Do you think he really really likes me? Should I ask him out?

 **Henry:** Aren’t we supposed to be talking about me?

 **Sherlock:** ...yeah, sure.

 **Henry:** And here is the hollow.

 **Hollow:** Hi.

 **John:** Uh. Am I lost?

 **Sherlock:** Going down into this hollow is totally a good and safe idea.

 **“Hound”:** Growl baby.

 **Sherlock:** HOLY FUCK.

 **Henry:** VINDICATED!

 **Sherlock:** …. I am unnerved.

 **John:** Hey, what’d I miss?

 **Henry:** WE SAW THE HOUND!

 **Sherlock:** No.

 **Henry:** Yes, we did!

 **Sherlock:** No.

 **Henry:** But we totally did!

 **Sherlock:** Shut up, werewolf boy, I said NO!

 **John:** Er...

 **Henry:** Thrown. Under. The bus.

 **John:** Let’s get your knock out drugs, crazy.

 **Sherlock:** I’m sitting by this fire totally calm and not coming down from a chemical high at all.

 **John:** Blah blah blah, I saw morse code, blah, you cool?

 **Sherlock:** I SAW THE HOUND.

 **John:** Yeah, okay baby, sure.

 **Sherlock:** GI-GAN-TIC HOOOOOUND.

 **John:** Or you’re just on drugs.

 **Sherlock:** Don’t make me quote from the books!

 **John:** You’re looking kind of twitchy and sweaty right now...

 **Sherlock:** I’m fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

 **John:** Fine as in high?

 **Sherlock:** FUCKING FINE!

 **John:** *sniffle*

 **Sherlock:** I’m fine because I know every single thing about that pair over there - widow, fisherman, unemployed, crap sweater, old jewelry, tiny dog, money - so STEP OFF!

 **John:** I’m just your friend.

 **Sherlock:** I don’t have friends!

 **Fans:** *SOOOOOOOB*

 **John:** Yeah, well, I don’t need you either! *WALKING AWAY IN A HUFF*

\---light flashing in the distance agian---

 **John:** Investigate!

 **Henry:** I sleep on my couch.

\---CREEPY MIND FLASHES---

 **Cars:** ~Let’s get it on~

 **John:** So... not morse code.

 **Sherlock!text:** Sexy psycologist.

 **John:** On it.

 **Henry:** There seems to be some weird events going on in my back yard which make my flood lights come on... I mean, I’m sure it’s noth - HOUND, AHHH, HOUND! *sniffle*

 **Fans:** Awww wobbie.

 **Henry:** *adorable sobbing*

 **John:** I like to flirt, doctor.

 **Therapist:** So do I, doctor.

 **John:** So, tell me all about Henry?

 **Therapist:** Or not.

 **John:** Please? I’m really cute. Andworriedaboutmyboyfriend....

 **Therapist:** Well, I am this close to telling you all abou-

 **Dr Franklin:** HEY HEY HEY!

 **John:** Cock block.

 **Dr Franklin:** So, how about I blow your cover?

 **Therapist:** Blow your what?

 **Dr Franklin:** He’s totally gay with his detective roommate the awesome Sherlock Holmes.

 **John:** *head table*

 **Dr Franklin:** Faaaaaaaaaaaaan boying.

 **Therapist:** And leaving.

 **John:** I am never getting laid ever again.

\----And time for crazy Sherlock part 5 billion---

 **Sherlock:** MORNING!

 **Henry:** Um.

 **Sherlock:** COFFEE?

 **Henry:** Um.

 **Sherlock:** STEALING YOUR SUGAR!

 **Henry:** You move too fast for the morning.

 **Sherlock:** WHY YOU SAY HOUND?

 **Henry:** Stop talking in all caps!

\---And this time we are scenic with a grave yard---

 **Fans:** OH GOD ITS LIKE FORESHADOWING FOR REICHENBACH. *UGLY SOBBING*

 **Sherlock:** So. Um. You had a clue or something...

 **John:** Not impressed.

 **Sherlock:** I remember what you said and I am totally thinking it was something worth while.

 **John:** Still not impressed.

 **Sherlock:** I’m going to keep bringing up everything you were doing to make you like me again.

 **John:** And you’re failing.

 **Sherlock:** I was hopped up on crazy last night, you have to forgive me, I don’t do feelings and doubt!

 **John:** Cause you can’t have seen a hound, right?

 **Sherlock:** Yes! Back on track! Detecting together!

 **John:** Uh. No.

 **Sherlock:** John, what I said before, I meant it. I don’t have friends. I’ve just got one.

 **Fans:** AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **John:** Still playing hard to get.

 **Sherlock:** JOHN YOU’RE THE BEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND EVER!!!

 **John:** Won over!

 **Sherlock:** PS - I think ‘hound’ could be ‘H.O.U.N.D.’

 **John:** Points for Dr. Watson.

 **Lestrade:** Hey gurl hey!

 **Sherlock:** Stalker.

 **Lestrade:** I am totally here by coincidence.

 **John:** Are you banging Mycroft?

 **Lestrade:** Yep.

 **John:** Bad Greg.

 **Sherlock:** Who’s Greg?

 **Lestrade:** If I’m going to be your brother in law you should know my name.

 **Sherlock:** They allow police to have first names?

 **John:** Anyhow, I have this meat clue, want to play with us?

 **Lestrade:** YES!

 **Gay Inn Keepers:** …shit.

 **Lestrade:** Checkin yer books!

 **Sherlock:** I made you _completely_ drug free coffee.

 **John:** PRESENTS!

 **Sherlock:** Totally drug free.

 **John:** Ew, sugar.

 **Sherlock:** *pout*

 **John:** ...This is the best coffee I’ve ever had.

 **Lestrade:** So? Meat for a dog?

 **Short Gay Inn Keep:** I eat meat.

 **Lestrade:** Gay joke?

 **Tall Gay Inn Keep:** We had a dog to encourage tourism - this is a recession, you know - but we put it down, definitely dead now, completely not alive at all.

 **Lestrade:** Whatever, you guys are bitches.

 **John:** Yeah, but your hound was creepy crazy, right?

 **Sherlock:** Yep. Did I mention it glowed?

 **John:** Hmmmm, noted for later subliminal suggestion.

 **Sherlock:** Time for Baskerville investigation!

\---Baskerville montage woooo---

 **Sherlock:** You go to the lab alone so that I can lock you in and test a theory.

 **John:** What?

 **Major Beard:** I don’t like playing with others.

 **Sherlock:** I don’t like playing with your mom but she keeps coming over.

 **Henry:** Time for some emoness.

 **John:** INVESTIGATING IN THE LAB!

 **Gas:** Do de do, leaking out of these pipes. Not significant at all.

 **John:** When people turn out the lights in a secret lab and leave you all alone that’s probably not a good sign.

\---BRIGHT LIGHT OF DOOM AND LOUD ASS NOISE---

 **John:** Leaving.

 **Security door:** No, sorry.

 **John:** Psychedelic lights?

 **“Hound”:** Creepy noise...

 **John:** Oh shit, I'm alone in a locked room in a secret experimental laboratory! Horror movie death!

 **“Hound”:** Grrr

 **John:** I can't die, I'm a main character!

 **“Hound”:** More Grr

 **John:** LOCKING MYSELF IN A CAGE IS A SUPERB IDEA!

 **“Hound”:** *creepy noise* grrr I am so real!

 **John:** Sherlock, save me! *whimper*

 **Fans:** AW! LITTLE HEDGEHOG!!!

 **Sherlock:** I'll get you, baby!

 **John:** Army John is not present for this scene!

 **Sherlock:** Soooo, do you see the VERY REAL hound?

 **John:** I’m too adorable to die by FUCKING HUGE HOUND!!!

 **Sherlock:** Hi honey! I've saved you!

 **John:** I could kiss you.

 **Sherlock:** Okay!

 **John:** THERE WAS A HOUND!

 **Sherlock:** Nope. That was my evil controlled experiment.

 **John:** What?

 **Sherlock:** What?

 **John:** HOUND.

 **Sherlock:** TIME TO PROVE DRUGS ARE AWESOME!

 **Stapleton:** Huh?

 **Sherlock:** GLOWING RABBIT!

 **John:** I handle drugs better than Sherlock apparently since I’m not twitching...

 **Stapleton:** Experiment on all the things!

 **John:** This would be a good spot for an experiment sex joke but we’re far more high brow than that.

 **Sherlock:** WHERE ARE THE DRUGS!?!?

 **John:** I thought we said no drugs for you.

 **Sherlock:** We are _all_ on drugs but they are not sugar drugs. TIME FOR MIND PALACE.

 **Stapleton:** I am imagining a pointed princess crown.

 **John:** Don’t forget the dress.

\---And now the most visual orgasmic portion of the episode---

 **Sherlock:** MWA HA, LIBERTY, INDIANA, H.O.U.N.D. I win. Again.

 **Henry:** Oh my god, being chased by the hound!

 **Therapist:** AHHHHHHHHH!

 **Henry:** Uh. Did I shoot you?

 **Sherlock:** Let’s hack!

 **Stapleton:** I don’t hack.

 **Sherlock:** And Major Beard, I will anaylze you without you even being present!

 **Stapleton:** Maybe his password is ‘password.’

 **Sherlock:** ‘Maggie.’

 **John:** Skip the blow by blow.

 **Sherlock:** That’s not what you said last night.

 **John:** Yes, I did.

 **Sherlock:** Yeah, well, maybe I wanted some foreplay!

 **Computer:** Unlocked!

 **Sherlock:** And project H.O.U.N.D. involved crazy drugs, paranoia, psychological suggestion and murder. Sweet.

 **John:** Failed experiment still going?

 **Sherlock:** I wonder if the person doing it could be the only other Baskerville employee we actually learned the name of?

 **John:** What a coincidence!

 **Therapist!call:** *sniffle* Henry is NUTS!!!

 **Sherlock:** Meet up at the hollow!

 **Henry:** I’m crazy and suicidal.

 **Sherlock:** NOO.

 **John:** Does that gun have silver bullets?

 **Henry:** I know what I am!

 **John:** Werewolf?

 **Sherlock:** Dr Franklin killed your father and he’s been using these drugs to make you keep thinking it was a hound and not him.

 **Lestrade:** Sorry I’m late, had to get my gun!

 **Henry:** But what about the dog we saw?

 **Sherlock:** Just a regular dog!

 **“Hound”:** Grrrr

 **John:** WTF!?

 **Henry:** I make the saddest wailing noises.

 **Dr Franklin:** Can I come to this party?

 **Sherlock:** OH MY GOD YOU LOOK LIKE JIM!!! NO LIKE.

 **Dr Franklin:** ...are you my mummy?

 **Doctor Who Fans:** Every single time there’s a gas mask, every time. This joke is old!

 **Sherlock:** Fog = drugs.

 **Dog:** Real grring!

 **Lestrade:** I can’t hit things when I shoot.

 **John:** I can, bitch slap.

 **Henry:** I am going to kick your ass!!!

 **Dr. Franklin:** Er... sorry?

 **Sherlock:** THIS CASE WAS SO AWESOME!!!

 **John:** Awkward.

 **Henry:** Father vindicated!

 **Dr. Franklin:** RUNNING AWAY.

\---CHASE TIME!!!---

 **Dr. Franklin:** Oh... that would be a mine I just stepped on.

\---EXPLODING DOCTOR---

 **Sherlock:** Wins?

 **Lestrade:** I want to come on all the adventures!!!

\---And just in case you hadn’t had enough scenery yet---

 **John:** I like food.

 **Sherlock:** I got you coffee, drug free this time.

 **John:** Sooo... why did I see the hound in the lab?

 **Sherlock:** Um...

 **John:** You sugar drugged me?

 **Sherlock:** Yep.

 **John:** You experimented on me?

 **Sherlock:** Yep.

 **John:** You took sexual advantage of me?

 **Sherlock:** Ye- what?

 **John:** So, you fucked up!

 **Sherlock:** WHATEVER!

\---creepy ending sequence---

 **Jim:** Hey babe.  <3

 **Mycroft:** *glare*

 **Jim:** Bye, redecorated your holding cell!

 **Holding cell:** Was I drunk last night because I am covered in tattoos...

\---OMINOUS FEELING FOR EPISODE 3 SET UP!---


End file.
